Subterranean HR Blues

Subterranean HR Blues

Johnny gets his payment,
Ratin’ all his fellow men.
We’re here to prevent,
All his micromanagement.
The man’s called “career coach”
Here’s his approach:
“Incentivize” the big folks,
Drive all the others broke.
Look out kid,
It’s somethin’ you did.
Bad HR
Won’t get you very far.
You’re better off as a salesman
Tryin’ to sell a used car.
The gang at IFRACTAL calls things
What they are:
Cut out yearly reviews,
To get your superstars.

Maggie works Theory X:
“Sell facts, not sex.”
Addin’ up the paychecks,
Finds no friends with benefits.
Overuses cliché,
On her two-page resume.
Dreads commuting every day,
Wishes that her work was play.
Look out kid,
Don’t matter what you did.
If you’re the next Van Gogh,
You belong at Zappos.
Better stay away from those
That think in terms of quid pro quo.
Not one, “Hello!”
From the CEO.
Drop a line to us sometime,
‘Cuz HR’s something we know.

Ah, raise the bar, raise hell
Tell the pattern, “Farewell!”
Rethink, rebel,
Go in for the hard sell.
Take dares, play fair.
Work hard, tell tales.
Set sail, derail.
Never be afraid to fail.
Look out kid.
At what we all did
We’re leaders, readers,
Cupcake eaters,
Nothin’ like Wall Streeters.
We spend Fridays
Out at Parc café.
Follow our careers
We’re HR pioneers.

Ah guitars, rock stars,
New rules, old school, keep it cool.
No shame, nicknames,
Play the most dangerous game.
Repeat, retweet, respect,
No debt, no sweat.
Schfifty high fives
On the day we broke the Internet.
Look out kid
We’re made to stick.
We’re short and we’re sweet.
We’ll knock you off your feet.
Our work’s concrete.
That’s the word on the street.
We wanna make a change,
In communication exchange.
You’ll have more fun,
With the real HR elite.